i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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