the condom got lost in my hair
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize