Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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