I understand why you refuse to be sober now
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
