So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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