So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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