Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
