Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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