But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
