and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
