I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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