I got chris browned last night
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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