i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
