Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
