Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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