her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
