I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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