I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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