It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
