True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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