And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
