I'm really into asian looking animals
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
