Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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