If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
