so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
