Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
