I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
