forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
