He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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