I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think people are normalizing furries
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
