I puked a lego.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
