Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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