I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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