Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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