a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
