Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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