I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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