It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
