so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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