I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
