i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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