Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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