It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
