Will you blow on my dice?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
