Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
