then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize