This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
