I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
