I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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