maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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