advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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