My Higher Power is John Stamos
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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