She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
