I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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