why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
