i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think a kid would responsible me up
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're too hungover to prance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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