My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
