He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
