So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
