drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
this will be a night to untag.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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