My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
