Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
