I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You just made me feel so damn special
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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