I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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